


Pas Plus de Cauchemars (No More Nightmares)

by AlexanderPeterson



Series: (with a comma after 'dearest') [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry, M/M, Please Forgive me, Tumblr Prompt, Washington being fatherly, it is my weakness, the sex is pretty much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 18:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6020281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexanderPeterson/pseuds/AlexanderPeterson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*filling a prompt*</p>
<p>“You were dead John... You died and I wasn't there for you...”</p>
<p>“Oh my love... It'll be alright. I'm right here. I won't leave you behind.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pas Plus de Cauchemars (No More Nightmares)

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a prompt from “what-if-your-otp” on Tumblr. This is prompt #9: Person A has a horrible nightmare about losing Person B that wakes both them and Person B up. Person A is crying and clinging to Person B as they spend their time reassuring Person A that everything was alright and soothing them back to sleep.
> 
> But I, being the merciful person I am, I added a little bit of comfort sex. BUT THEN. Being the horrible person I am, I'm taking it one step further.
> 
> Mostly Lams, with implied Mulligan/Lafayette then some implied Mulligan/Lafayette/Hamilton, mostly in the comfort sense. Some kisses and cuddles and whatnot.
> 
> As always, my dear readers, do enjoy and please, please forgive me.

XOXO

John cracked an eye when Alexander elbowed him in the ribs. It wasn't unusual for him to thrash around in his sleep but somehow this felt different.

“Alex...?” He mumbled, putting a hand on Alexander's shoulder. “Hey. You alright?”

“John!!” John almost fell off the bed when Alexander sprang up. “John...” He whimpered, reaching out to his closest friend, his lover, and pulling him tight against his chest.

“What happened?” John's voice was thick with concern. When Alexander didn't answer he ran his fingers through his hair and snuggled against his neck. “Love... Tell me what's going on in that brilliant mind of yours.” There was a pause and then a broken sob from Alexander. “Hey! Alex come on... You have to talk to me, remember? You can't just stay quiet...”

“John...” Alexander choked out. “I can't...” John felt Alexander's tears falling onto his own cheeks.

“Alex?” He pulled back and wiped his tears away gently.

“You were dead John...” John felt his heart break. “You died and I wasn't there for you...”

“Oh my love...” John pressed his face against Alexander's neck again, leaving a soft kiss on his collarbone. “It'll be alright. I'm right here. I won't leave you behind.”

“But you _are_ leaving... John you're going to South Carolina in less than a week.” Alexander's voice was frantic and John could hear his heart pounding in his chest. “What am I going to do without you..?”

“You'll have Mulligan to look after you. Lafayette too. They know you just as well as I do. You won't be alone.”

“It's not the same... They aren't you.” With his face buried in John's hair, Alexander's voice was muffled but John could still hear it cracking. “John I...” John pulled away and pressed his lips soundly against Alexander's, tangling his fingers in his hair. When they finally pulled apart, both were breathless.

“You worry too much.” John smiled in the darkness, unsure if he could be seen. “I'll be fine, Alexander. I'm quick. I'm strong. I'm going to come home to you.” He planted another chaste kiss on his lips. “And when I come home, when this is all over, we'll find a little place in Harlem and we'll figure it out. We'll be okay. I promise.” He felt Alexander's lips twitch into a small smile and he laughed softly.

“Promise?”

“I promise. There's nothing that could keep me away from you. My wonderful, brilliant, brave Hamilton.”

“My Laurens.” Alexander breathed across his lips. “You spoil me with your words.” John laughed a little louder.

“If I spoil you with my words, then what is it you're doing to me with yours?” Alexander squeezed John a little closer to his chest and kissed the top of his head.

“I just tell you what my heart says. And right now it says it feels spoiled and that I love you more than the sun, and the moon, and all the stars in the sky.”

“Would you like me to spoil you, Alexander?” John whispered, pulling his hair a bit. He felt Alexander squeeze him a little tighter. “Because I could. It would take your mind off of your dreams. At least for a little while.”

“I would love that John.” Alexander ran his fingertips down John's back, making him arch up against him. John wiggled a bit to get his hand between them and ran his fingers over Alexander's cock lightly. They had made love earlier in the evening and had fallen asleep naked in each others arms, not caring for the moment that they were in a flimsy tent in the middle of a military camp, surrounded by their fellow soldiers. Alexander was usually awake and dressed before dawn anyway. No one would be any wiser to their situation. John pressed kisses against Alexander's neck as he wrapped his fingers around his lover's half-hard cock and stroked gently.

“What can I do?” He whispered, stroking a little harder. “Tell me what to do Alexander...”

“You tease.” Alexander hissed through clenched teeth. John felt his hand run down his back and cup his ass, pulling him closer. “Just... Fuck!” He gasped, his nails digging into John's back. “Let me have you.” Alexander fumbled to sit up and grab the small bottle of oil that he kept under the cot for just such an occasion.

“Anything you want.” John pressed his hips up against Alexander's and ground against him slowly. “Anything...” He heard the familiar 'pop' of the cork and wiggled anxiously. The lantern Alexander kept lit at all hours (the man wrote whatever was on his mind no matter the time of day) gave off just enough light for John to see him pouring the oil onto his fingers.

“I want you to ride me.” Alexander whispered, pushing two fingers into John straight away. “You look so perfect on top of me. More than perfect. Honestly though you look wonderful no matter how I have you. On your knees.” He pushed his fingers in deeper. “On your back, spread out for me.” John gasped and tucked his face back in against Alexander's neck. “No matter what, John. You're perfect.”

If there was one thing John loved more than Alexander, it was being _praised_ by Alexander. There were times he thought that he could get off without being touched, on just his voice alone. Telling him how good he was, telling him how much he was loved. He made a note to ask to try it when he came home.

“Alex... Please...” He whined as he felt another finger pressing in. “I'll be fine. Just-” a moan forced it's way out of his throat. “Let me-” John was seeing stars. “I need you. Now. Please, Alex. I need it.” He begged. “I'm supposed to be spoiling _you_.” He gasped out.

“I want you to come first.” Alexander pressed his lips against John's ear and moaned when John bucked against him. “I want you to come undone for me.”

“Alexander!” John's voice was almost a sob, he had wrapped his arms around Alexander as best he could, one hand resting on the middle of his back, the other tangled in his hair, tugging every so often, trying to hold out as long as he could. Truth be told, the was scared too. He was incredibly afraid to die without Alexander by his side. So afraid that Alexander would die while he was gone. Or worse. That he would be forgotten. That when he came back from South Carolina, Alexander would think that what they had was no more than a fling. Something spurred on by the war, and the close quarters they shared. He would be married to a lovely woman. He would have a child on the way. He would have forgotten all about John Laurens. John sobbed as he came, Alexander's fingers deep inside him and words of praise spilling from his lips, whispered in the dark where no one else existed. It was just the two of them in this great, wide, fucked up world. And John tried to forget. He tried to forget his fears. Tired to forget that he was leaving. Hell, he wouldn't care if he forgot his own name. Alexander could remind him of that.

“John... My precious Laurens. You're so wonderful. So good for me. You've done so well my love.”

“Alexander... Please!” He begged, breathless. John moaned as Alexander pulled his fingers from his ass and rolled over to lie on his back, stroking his cock with the oil left over on his fingers and looked over at John, smiling. He wasn't teasing, he wasn't going to make John beg anymore, there was only love written all over his face.

“I'm not stopping you John.” He moaned while John moved to straddle him on the small cot. “Just take whatever you need sweetheart.” John reached behind himself to grip Alexander's cock and positioned himself over it. Slowly, his legs shaking, he lowered himself down until he was fully seated in Alexander's lap. “Fuck... John...” Alexander tipped his head back and moaned, and John felt the air leave his lungs. This was a sight he never got used to. That moment when Alexander's eyes closed and his mouth started moving in a silent prayer. He looked so perfect. John tried his hardest to keep his eyes open, trying to remember this moment.

“Alexander...” He moaned softly. “Alex, look at me. Please...” Alexander's eyes opened slowly and John smiled down at him. “Perfect.” He started moving, just a little, just enough that Alexander would pull out a little bit before hie rolled his hips back down and pushed him all the way inside again.

“John... Don't tease.” He laughed a little, reaching up to cup John's face with his clean hand, the other gripping his hip like his life depended on it.

“If you wanted to set the pace then you shouldn't have let me ride you.” John teased back, rolling his hips again.

“I could always put you on your back now.” Alexander raised an eyebrow and smirked. “But I don't want anyone to hear you if I start fucking you into the mattress. I know how loud you can get.” John bit his lip, rising up again and dropping down harder, pulling a strangled moan from Alexander.

“You're one to talk.” He leaned into his ear, his hips still moving, grinding just enough to make both of them moan softly to each other. The pace increased slowly, first with John bracing himself and just bouncing on Alexander's cock, then with Alexander grabbing his hips and fucking up into him.

“John... John I'm going to-”

“Come for me Alexander.” John panted. “Please... Oh god please...” He leaned forward, his lips against Alexander's ear. “Alexander... Let me feel you.” He pleaded. “Please...” Alexander choked back a moan and wrapped one arm around the small of John's back, keeping his other hand tight on his hip, thrusting into him harder.

“Fuck... I'm coming.” He groaned, kissing John's neck. “John I'm coming.”

“It's alright.” John encouraged. “Do it. Fill me.” John clapped a hand over his mouth to cover the moan that threatened to become a scream when Alexander bit into his shoulder as he came, pulling him impossibly closer and trembling.

“John...” His name was whispered like a prayer into his ear. “My god... John... You're...”

“Shh... Don't talk...” John smiled, raking his fingers through Alexander's hair and kissing him sweetly before shifting and pulling away so he could cuddle into his side.

“John Laurens... I love you.”

“And I love you Alexander Hamilton.” John smiled, Alexander playing with his hair. “Get some sleep.” He whispered, rubbing his back gently. “No more nightmares, okay?”

“Okay.” Alexander leaned down to give John one last kiss before snuggling into his hair and falling asleep quickly.

As Alexander slept, John kept rubbing circles into his back and humming softly, kissing his cheek, neck, or chest occasionally, until he fell asleep himself, trying to put his fears out of his mind.

…...

After John left, Alexander was a mess. There had been a tearful goodbye the night before, with whispered promises of love and a safe return, and the next morning, they had simply hugged as a pair of friends would, and then, before Alexander knew it, John Laurens had ridden away.

He tried to throw himself into his work, being as useful as he could to Washington, spending much more time with Mulligan and Lafayette, drinking as often as was permitted. He tried to forget. He truly did. He often stayed in Mulligan and Lafayette's tent, unwilling to look at, let alone sleep in, the cot where he and John had slept.

He ignored the sympathetic glances from the General and his friends and fellow soldiers, he lashed out more often. But in the night, he would sit between Lafayette and Mulligan and he would cry, their arms around him and whispered words of encouragement and sympathy.

“He will be back before you know it, _mon ami_.” Lafayette would smile at him and kiss his cheek before the three of them settled in for the night. And Alexander felt loved. He would dream of John and their life together often. And the days after those dreams he was always in a better mood.

But his world came tumbling down after the Battle of Yorktown.

The letters had been sent. The war was won. And in a fit of joy Alexander wrote to John.

' _My dear Laurens!_

_We've done it! Against all odds we've won! I await your return with open arms and an open heart. I've missed you dearly these past few months. We all have. Lafayette and Mulligan send their love_

_Come home to me soon._

_Yours Always,_

_A. Hamilton'_

 

And he waited...

And waited...

And waited...

Another month went by and there had been no word from John. Nothing even from the men that had served with him. No note announcing his return. But still Alexander waited. He had promised John that he would meet him on the other side of the war. He had promised him a home. _Their_ home. He didn't break promises.

“Come out Alexander.” Lafayette demanded. “You've been cooped up too long. You deserve a break.” Alexander grumbled about being drug to a tavern but after a few beers he was laughing again. Loudly proclaiming that he was in love while a mortified Lafayette tried to cover his mouth before he shouted out the name of his so called love while Mulligan laughed, slapping his hand against the table.

“He's going to be found out.” Lafayette hissed. “Do you want that?” Mulligan tried to stifle his laughter and Alexander tried to push Lafayette's hand away, even going so far as to lick his palm, making him draw back in disgust before he wiped his hand across Mulligan's face in a last ditch effort to shut him up.

“I'm sorry.” Alexander laughed, though he did lower his voice. “I just can't help it. The war is over, John's coming home soon. We'll be together again!”

“Hamilton...”

“General Washington, sir.” Alexander grinned his lopsided grin up at his General. “And to what do we owe this honor?”

“I'm not here to celebrate, Alexander.” Washington's tone was soft. “Come outside with me foe a moment. We need to talk.”

“But, sir it's pouring!” He protested.

“Alexander this is important. Please. Follow me.” As Washington turned away, Alexander shot a questioning look at Lafayette and Mulligan who both shrugged before going back to their beers.

“Sir?” Alexander tried to stay out of the rain as best he could but the wind made it next to impossible.

“I received a letter today... One I had hoped I would never have to read...”

“I don't-” Alexander faltered.

“I'm so sorry...” Washington put a strong yet gentle hand on his aide's shoulder. “It's Laurens.” Alexander's eyes widened and he felt bile rising in his throat.

“No...” He choked, shaking his head. “Please... Please don't say it...”

“He died in a skirmish with some of the retreating British forces.”

Alexander felt the ground pitch under him and the color drained from his face. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and searched Washington's eyes for any sign of a lie.

“He. He can't be.” He gasped, his heart pounding in his chest so hard he swore his ribs would break. “No... You're lying to me. Or- or they got something wrong. It wasn't him! He's on his way home!” He was well aware that he was starting to shout but he didn't care. “He's on his way home! He promised me that he would come home!” Washington caught Alexander when he collapsed, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him tight to his chest even though he tried to push away. “He's coming home!! He promised!” Alexander sobbed into the General's shoulder, his whole body shaking from the effort of standing.

“I'm sorry son...” Washington whispered, rubbing his back gently. Alexander pushed away, his back hitting the wall of the bar.

“He promised...” He whispered, sliding down the wall, ignoring the rain and the mud and sitting with his head between his knees, tugging at his hair and staring at the ground.

“Alex get up... Please. Come on son...” Washington knelt down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Let's get you somewhere warm...” Alexander didn't move. A whimper started on his lips. I grew in volume until he was screaming. No words came out. For the first time in his life... Alexander Hamilton couldn't find words.

“Sir! What happened!?” Lafayette came bursting out of the bar, Mulligan, even Burr and a few others behind him, all of them staring at Alexander.

“Hamilton! Are you hurt? What happened?” Mulligan knelt in front of Alexander, putting his hands on his knees gently. “Sir, what happened to him?” Washington looked from Alexander to the men that had gathered around.

“Burr, I'll talk to you about this later. Get everyone inside.” Burr nodded, confused as he was, and started ushering the other men back into the bar. “Mulligan, Lafayette, help me get him up.”

“Alexander, _quel est le problème_?” Lafayette and Mulligan helped Alexander stand, Mulligan taking most of his weight. “General what did you say to him?” Lafayette snapped at Washington.

“I'll tell you once he's somewhere safe and warm.” Washington took up a position on Alexander's other side to keep him upright as they walked. His eyes were wide but unfocused, tears mingled with the rain on his cheeks and he looked like he was going to be sick.

“There's an inn just up the road. It's a nice enough place.” Mulligan grunted.

Alexander could hardly bring himself to pick up his feet. He tuned out the General and his two closest friends.

' _John is dead... John Laurens... My John Laurens is dead..._ ' The air was punched out of his lungs. He couldn't breathe. ' _John is dead... He's not coming home... John is dead... He's never coming to bed with me again... John is dead... I'll never hear his laugh again... John is dead... His freckles. John is dead. His smile. John is dead. John is dead. John is dead..._ '

“He's never coming home...” He whispered as the three people closest to him lead him into the inn, his voice hoarse. Washington procured a key from the man at the desk and led them all upstairs and unlocking a door down the hall.

“Here.” Lafayette went in first, pacing, wringing his hands as Mulligan and Washington helped Alexander into the room, and sat him down on the edge of the bed where he resumed running his hands through his hair and shaking.

“What has happened, General?” Lafayette turned to Washington, chewing on his lower lip, his eyebrows furrowed.

“John Laurens died last week in South Carolina.” Washington sat down at the desk in the room, hanging his head, suddenly looking much older than his years. A wail rose up from Alexander, who hunched down further, pulling his hair. Lafayette leaned against the wall and Mulligan pulled Alexander closer to his side, squeezing his shoulders and encouraging him to lay his head on his shoulder.

“ _Mon Dieu... Non..._ Are you sure? I mean... Have the absolutely confirmed that it was him?” Lafayette's voice shook. Washington nodded. “Alexander... _mon ami_...”

“He promised me he'd come back...” Alexander whispered. “He _promised_!” He was on his feet again, his rage fueling him. “This is _your_ fault!” He whipped around and stalked over to Washington. “ _You_ sent him to South Carolina! _You_ sent him to his death!” Washington looked up at his aide.

“Do you want to hit me, Alexander?” He sighed. Alexander was trembling, his fists clenched.

“You have no idea.” He breathed. “John Laurens... _My_ John Laurens is dead.” Alexander wilted again, his shoulders slumped. “I'm sorry sir... I didn't mean that... I just...”

“I know son.” Washington stood and put his hands on Alexander's shoulders. “He was a good man. And I know he made you happy. Lafayette, Mulligan.”

“Yes sir?” They answered together.

“Take care of him.”

“Of course, General.” Lafayette nodded, standing off to the side with his hand on Mulligan's shoulder, the tailor's fingers laced with his.

“Don't leave him alone...”

The only sound in the room for several minutes after Washington shut the door behind him was Alexander's ragged breathing and the steady beat of his steps as he paced.

“Please sit, Alexander...” Lafayette pleaded. “Come. Talk to us... We were close to John too you know. Not as close as you two were obviously. But we can help you.”

“The last thing he said to me was 'I'll be home with you before you can tell Burr he's a pompous ass.' And then he told me he loved me and got on his horse and he left.” Alexander laughed. Lafayette came over to him and touched his hand gently. “Can you believe it?” Alexander was still laughing, tears rolling down his cheeks. “He's about to leave for god knows how long and he makes a joke. It's so like John...” He shook his head. “Tell me I'm dreaming Lafayette...” He looked up at him. “Please.”

“Alexander...”

“Mulligan. Tell me I'm going to wake up soon.” Alexander turned to the tailor, his eyes wide and pleading. “Please man. This is a dream right? Or some sick joke.” He was laughing, pushing his hair back out of his eyes.

“Why don't you lie down Hamilton?” Mulligan came to guide him back to the bed. “You're exhausted... You're upset. We understand.”

“You don't though!” Alexander shouted, taking them both by surprise. “You _don't_ know how I feel! Everyone that I've ever loved is dead Mulligan!”

“ _Qui sommes nous_!?” Lafayette was crying now too. “Alex we are still here! We love you! The _General_ loves you! And I thought you knew that... As brilliant as you are Alexander Hamilton, you can't see the things right in front of you.” Alexander took a step back, looking like he had just been slapped. “ _Yu es aveugle,_ Alexander.”

“I-I'm sorry... You... I didn't mean it...” He reached for Lafayette's hand. “You know I love both of you... I just. I don't know what to do without him Lafayette... Please.” Alexander bit his lip and tried, and failed, to hold in his tears. “Don't leave me too...” Before he knew it, there was a thin, yet strong pair of arms around him.

“We're here...” Long fingers threaded through his hair. “You must remember that Mulligan and I are staying here in New York with you. And you'll be by the General's side forever. And, as much as you dislike him, Burr is here too.” Alexander groaned against Lafayette's shoulder. “I know, I know. You two don't see eye to eye all the time but he is a friend.”

“I should go to bed shouldn't I...?” Alexander looked between Mulligan and Lafayette, the dark circles around his eyes looked darker than they ever had. Both of them nodded.

The bed was hard but the space between Mulligan and Lafayette's bodies was warm and Alexander closed his eyes tried to enjoy their closeness.

…...

Months and then years went by and every night, Lafayette would sit with Alexander at his desk while he worked. Usually these nights were silent, other than Alexander insisting that he didn't need watching.

“The General told me not to leave you alone.”

“That was three years ago Lafayette...” Alexander sighed. “I'm fine. You and Mulligan don't need to be attached to my hip all the time anymore.”

“You're not though... You still write him letters.” Alexander's shoulders stiffened. “I've seen them...”

“There's just... There's so much I never got to say to him. So many things that I want to tell him. About how much Jefferson annoys me, he'd get a kick out of that I'm sure. Remember how he'd laugh at me and Burr?” He smiled. “I want to tell him about that nation he helped make. I want him to see how well you've taken care of me. I just... I want him to know I still love him...”

“I know... I know you do.” Lafayette wrapped his arms around Alexander's chest, standing behind him and looking over his shoulder, a new letter to John on his desk. “Come to bed. Stop working for just a moment.” Alexander nodded and stood, following Lafayette to the other bedroom in the small home the two of them shared with Mulligan. There were two beds there. One that Lafayette and Mulligan shared, the other was for Alexander, on the nights he wanted to be left alone.

“Goodnight Alexander.” Both kissed him on the cheek gently before he crawled into his bed and curled up to sleep.

…...

_Gunshots. Frantic shouting. Rain. Thunder. Blood._ John.

_'Alexander!'_

“John!” Alexander woke up screaming, still seeing John's bloodied face in the darkness of the room. Lafayette was up in an instant, rushing to his side and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Lafayette...” He gasped. “The bin. Please.” The Frenchman leaned to the side and picked up the trash bin that was next to the bed, handing it to Alexander who vomited. Lafayette held his hair, and rubbed his back gently.

“Are you okay?” Mulligan joined them. Alexander shook his head.

“No... It's the same dream. Over and over...” He trembled, leaning over the side of the bed to set the bin down again. “It won't stop... It's either that or he's beside me... Those are almost worse. He's with me in bed and he's looking at me like I'm the only person in the universe and he's telling me he loves me... He's smiling, laughing. I can still feel him... He was so warm...” Lafayette and Mulligan helped him up, Lafayette helped him to the bathroom to wash his face then led him to bed. When Alexander tried to get into his own bed he was stopped.

“No... You stay with us tonight.” Lafayette steered him to the larger bed where Mulligan was sitting. He had brought more blankets and pillows over to the bed, making a nest for the three of them, looking quite pleased with himself. Alexander smiled a little and climbed into bed and pressed against the tailors side, Lafayette pressing up behind him and wrapping him tight in his arms.

“ _Pas plus de cauchemars_...” Lafayette murmured in his ear, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “We're here for you... No more nightmares, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

XOXO

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY. FORGIVE ME. Or yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr (KayKatastr0phe) ((this is really just a plea for people to talk to me. I have like three friends. Because I do shit like this.))
> 
> A couple translation notes <3
> 
> quel est le problème = What's the matter // what's the problem  
> Qui sommes nous = what about us  
> Yu es aveugle = you are blind  
> Pas plus de cauchemars = No more nightmares
> 
> Let me know if there are any translation issues, I do not speak French and I'm using Google translate.
> 
> As always, any comments, kudos, and bookmarks are greatly appreciated!  
> Happy Valentines Day (and please don't hurt me)
> 
> Less Than Three and Blessings Be,  
> KayKatastr0phe


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